Derek returns to England, resigns from work, divides marital assets, then flies back to Chiang Mai and Toy
After a western style dinner-dance with Toy, Derek leaves for England. He realises when he arrives in his native land how much he misses his friends and English pub culture. Derek contrasts that with what he now sees as Toy’s condescending and snobbish attitude to others. Derek wonders if he’ll ever integrate into Thailand society.
He receives a cold reception and a dressing down from his boss on his return to work and resigns.
The sale documents for Derek and his ex-wife’s home are completed. They discuss the division of the marital assets. A sentimental stamp collection his ex wants to keep is the first thing to go when they take unwanted items to the recycling centre.
He broke down in tears and was comforted by Toy when he rang her. Derek had already booked a flight to Chiang Mai in two days’ time.
I left Thailand the day after New Year’s Day, having enjoyed immensely a western style dinner and dance in one of Chiangmai’s hotels. There were many expats there and I soaked up the western atmosphere. It is strange how you yearn to have contact with English speakers.
They have a different sense of humour from the Thais and I felt more in tune with them. I don’t know anything about Thai humour but they are always smiling so it must exist. Toy is always quiet at these functions. She is more outgoing with Thais but only those within her own social circle. Like all Thais, she has a perception of who are her equals and who are not.
Knowing your place is an accepted feature of Thainess and its rules of class and hierarchy. Sometimes, though, I see Toy looking down on others in a way that’s foreign to me. I get a little easy when she does it. A minor point, I suppose.
In making friends with Thais, the onus is on the foreigner to make the first move. Thais will smile but won’t be over familiar on first meeting.There’s caution in their attitude to the farang. Expats who speak some Thai and go along with the culture fare better in making real friends.
Adjusting to Thai Culture and Customs As an Expat – Better Living Asia
I worry if not integrating properly, not speaking some Thai, not understanding the Thai way of doing things, could be a setback. But I have Toy to smooth the way for me. I’m always meeting people through her.
If ever I were hospitalised, it would not be easy to explain my symptoms or pains. Being in a totally Thai environment when ill may be a tense experience, not conducive to recovery, and mentally taxing. Some nurses speak a little English and all are, I am sure, very caring, but only hearing Thai most of the time and only having Thai food would not make me feel too comfortable.
I’m happy with Toy and Thailand, but I am an Englishman at heart and like things the English way.
An Expensive Restaurant Meal
The meal at the hotel was expensive but of high quality and the wide range of Thai and western dishes meant that both Toy and I could eat exactly what we wanted.
Meals over the festive season seldom offer good value for money anywhere in the world. Here in Thailand, it is an opportunity for restaurateurs, Thai and farang, to make a real killing as they can pay their staff their normal wages, holiday premiums not applying in this country even on New Year’s Eve. Low labour costs do not translate into lower prices in those places.
The minimum wage in Chiangmai is 380 baht a day. Think of that when judging whether something is good value or not. If the Thai labour cost is one tenth of a western minimum wage, the price should reflect that. For some goods, it does; for others, particularly in tourist areas or businesses aimed at the farang, it does not.
Goods may appear sound bargains for tourists and expats on a western income. They appear expensive to a Thai. If selling to a farang, a Thai businessman may think his boat has just come in.
The margins on new house builds and on car sales are significantly higher than in the UK or the States, and import taxes on foreign goods often put the price up to a western equivalent or higher. Thai businessmen historically work on higher gross margins than those in the West, aware that their country is a low wage economy and the market will bear those prices when selling to well-off Thais and farangs.
Back to Work
I went back to work the day after I arrived back in Blighty and was pretty tired by the time I got home in the evening. I envy people who seem to have no problems with jet lag.
The mood in the office was cold and unpleasant. Everyone appeared to be watching their backs for the next episode of whatever management game was coming next and the extra workload that inevitably followed.
The completion documents on the house were going to be signed on Tuesday so I arranged to take the afternoon off. “That’s very inconvenient,” I was told. I was taking it as a half day of my holiday entitlement and surely a few hours to sign legal documents on the sale of one’s own house was normal practice. They thought they were being reasonable. I did not.
All went well at the solicitor’s though the ex and I neither spoke to each other nor had eye contact. You could cut the atmosphere with a knife. In Thailand, there would have been smiles all-round, even if they were not genuine smiles of happiness.
We did manage to speak to each other a little over the weekend. I had already worked out what I would keep and what I would discard from my possessions in the granny annex. The ex and I walked around the house to decide what we would each take from the main house and arrange for the rest to be taken to the local recycling centre.
It’s amazing what you collect, but never use and do not really need, over some sixteen years of marriage. Old fashioned cd and record players. The spare washing machine in the outhouse that we never used. Some of my gardening and do it yourself tools could be sold to the buyer of our house or sold through an advert in the local newspaper. We would split the proceeds, she said. I saw only a fraction of that money.
The Sentimental Stamp Collection
She wanted to keep the stamp collection that we had built up together “for sentimental reasons”. It was not valuable, just new issue English stamps and those we bought from our holidays abroad or given to us by friends. I used to look at the albums occasionally. She never did. She was totally uninterested. But, if she wanted them, I was not prepared to argue. She could have them.
I hired a truck for the next day and we went to the council yard together. I handled the heavier stuff and she carried the lighter bundles to the various skips. One of the first things to go was her “sentimental” stamp collection.
When I got home, I buried my head in my hands and cried. I could not understand why she could be so heartless and cruel. I went on the internet and sent an email to Toy. I did not mention what had happened but it cheered me up to be able to write a few words to her. Toy was fast becoming my anchor. And I think she knew it.
Into the Headmaster’s Study
Got to the bank on the Tuesday morning and was called in to the boss’s office before I had a chance to take my coat off and sit down. One of my workmates suggested I put some padding in the back of my trousers. “You are being called into the headmaster’s study, Derek,” he told me. I grinned widely.
I was told that the bank was taking a serious view of my taking a few hours off work. I asked if this was a change of policy, that the number of days’ holiday I was allowed was no longer being honoured. No answer.
The tirade went on. He did all the talking from then on. I was spending more time in Thailand or on the sick list than I spent working in the bank, he said.
I had indeed spent a great deal of time in Thailand but I was only using my agreed holiday entitlement. If that was more generous than in other industries, then so be it. And yes, I had been off work for months. Again, not my fault. I did not think I owed my employer any favours.
The bank was continually downsizing. The technique habitually used was to find fault with one’s work until you gave up and left of your own accord. It was standard practice. The strain gets to you in the end. This went on for a full hour. I had had enough. You can take my one-month’s notice, I said. There is still some holiday due to me so I will leave in three weeks time.
Until then, I will do my job but do not put other work on my desk. It won’t get done. I’ll do what I’m paid to do. I turned and walked out. I never spoke or saw my boss again. The relief was overwhelming. I felt as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
Difficult to explain how happy and stress-free I felt.
I would work out my notice, get my ticket sorted out for Thailand, and in less than one month, I would be with Toy. I had nowhere else to go anyway. The completion date was fixed. I would have to get out.
I had no leaving party and just got up and left on my last day. A smile, a quick “cheerio” and I was away. My flight was in two days’ time.
I had kept Toy informed of my travel arrangements and what was happening with the house, though I spared her the more unpleasant details of what had been going on. I don’t think she would have comprehended how western people can act in such circumstances. She would not have believed a word of what I said if I had told her.
What I Miss About England
I did have a strange sense of leaving everything behind. All I had worked for. The house and garden. Would I miss my friends? Many I had not seen lately. I had spent a lot of time in Thailand and when you are divorced you suddenly aren’t invited out to social functions as much.
It was only much later that I would realise that some of what we take for granted in England does not exist in Thailand. Thais are not great book lovers and there are few libraries in Thailand. I think they are mainly in Bangkok and the universities.
I missed popping down the pub and having a chat and a joke with the locals. The lack of a welfare system and national health care only becomes a concern when you are retired or in hospital and find you are struggling to pay the bills.
Thais are not great book lovers and there are few libraries in Thailand. I think they are mainly in Bangkok and the universities. I missed popping down the pub and having a chat and a joke with the locals. The lack of a welfare system and national health care only becomes a concern when you are retired or in hospital and find you are struggling to pay the bills.
The concepts of equality and democracy are different here. Following regulations and keeping to the law is not something Thais generally observe.
When you have left permanently you appreciate what you had before.
Unable to Say Goodbye to Michael
I had booked the taxi to the airport for 10 in the morning and arranged to see Michael to say my goodbye before it arrived. Just before 9.30, my ex-wife drove out of the drive with my son in the front seat. They had disappeared into the distance by the time I ran outside to try to stop them.
The taxi was on time. I got in. I never looked back.
https://understanding-thailand.com/escape-to-thailand-the-full-series/
© Matt Owens Rees May 2026
