About Matt Owens Rees
My focus group took time to develop but is now paying dividends. I can bounce ideas off Thais from varying social classes. From poor farmers and construction workers to those working in offices and shops. From bankers to well-off business owners.
My focus group took time to develop but is now paying dividends. I can bounce ideas off Thais from varying social classes. From poor farmers and construction workers to those working in offices and shops. From bankers to well-off business owners.
The group includes members of the so-called hi-so elite. Interaction sometimes needs to be one-to-one as Thais are cautious expressing their views in front of their other countrymen.
As a long-term expatriate and cultural anthropologist living in Thailand for over 20 years, I have learned that to understand this country and to integrate better with its people and culture, it’s important to observe and listen rather than doing all the talking oneself.
After all, God gave us two eyes and two ears but only ONE mouth. Just last month, a construction worker and a banker gave me opposite views on the recent constitutional referendum – and I learn from these comments rather than picking a side.
Through field research and discussions with Thais, either in normal conversation or in the lecture theatre, Matt presents a rich picture of the real Thailand, warts and all.
He has written extensively on Thais and Thailand with 20 published books already available in ebook and print format.
Despite not being similar in style, his books reflect on some of the observations in “Mai Pen Rai Means Never Mind.” In his opinion, the best introductory book on Thais and Thailand. Written by Carol Hollinger in 1965, its insights are still very revealing and up to date.
Sadly, Hollinger passed away at 45 years old before she could see her best-selling book in print. Matt also then lost an opportunity to collaborate with her on a new book on the concept of Face in Thailand.
A Profile of Carol Hollinger
Mai Pen Rai Means Never Mind, Carol’s flagship book, is an informative and accurate read. It delves deeply into the psyche of a nation that really hasn’t changed all that much. The nation has changed, the psyche has not.
Mai Pen Rai Means Never Mind records the time Hollinger spent in Bangkok in the 60s. First as a housewife, then as a teacher at The American University, and then at Chulalongkorn University.
At Chula, a self-deprecating Hollinger immerses herself in Thai culture. She lectures hundreds of students and bumbles her way through the university’s comic bureaucracy.
Hollinger explains with plenty of colourful anecdotes what life was like back then for an American in Thailand.
“The Thais present a unanimously bland face to the foreigners and are past masters of double talk. But among themselves there were few secrets, for they were impossible to keep. Every Thai is a natural spy, information gleaned in servants’ quarters sped around Bangkok in minutes.”
Hollinger learns of an upcoming coup when her hi-so friends warn her to ensure her water jars are full. The local water supply gets switched off when coups occur.
“The day before Marshal Sarit took over the country, Samnieng charged into our home. She wanted to satisfy herself that my klong jars were full of water ready for the emergency.”
Hollinger’s account is a revelation. She recorded a time when the kingdom had moved on from poor families partying in run-down wooden houses.
Even the minutiae of day-to-day academic life was different.
“Robert, who was Southeast Asian correspondent for the London Times, wrote all his dispatches with a quill pen. Some of the others were more a part of their century and used fountain pens.”
But then again, some things really do not seem to have changed:
“Inhabiting, as they do, the Venice of the Far East, the Thais are more attuned to boats, than cars. I think their driving is in some fashion influenced by the tides. For the most part they employ the British system of driving on the left-hand side of the road. But this is a variable, and it is folly to count upon it. On one-way streets they drive two ways because they think they’re better than the man going in the opposite direction. They believe that what makes a car go is the horn.”
Mai Pen Rai and Thai Culture
The Serenity Prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr sums up Thai thinking absolutely. They want to change from a feudal-like style of governing–60% have voted for constitutional reform. A move to democracy for all, within a monarchy structure.
Give me grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time.
You will hear the phrase “mai pen rai” every day in Thailand. The glossaries in most tourist guides define the Thai expression as “never mind.” But it actually has many other meanings. It is a Thai mind-set that creates a hassle-free outlook on life. Why worry or get stressed about things that you cannot control and are not that important? That is the basis of mai pen rai.
Let’s Look at Examples from Daily Life
You bump into someone in the market and excuse yourself by saying “sorry.”
The response? Mai pen rai krap. That is okay. It does not matter.
You thank a passer-by for giving you directions.
The response? Mai pen rai krap. This time it means something like “my pleasure” or “you’re welcome.” The French would say “de rien,” the Germans, “bitte schön,” and the Italians, “prego.”
You are discussing some alterations to a building plan and the architect does not see why you want an extra shower room with access from the garden.
His response? Mai pen rai krap.
You can’t understand why the architect is telling you that it does not matter. It’s what you want him to do and you are, after all, paying his fees.
You explain your reasoning but get no immediate commitment for change. His initial reaction is not to problem-solve. Thais dislike dealing with problems. Usually, the response is to ignore or treat as insignificant. He is looking for compromise and flexibility, or to see if you will back down. As a farang, you are surprised he is not addressing your concerns.
It is better to pootwan, sweet talk, and be patient rather than to try logic and reason. Smile and say you still think it may be a good idea. Praise the work he has already completed. You can always raise the point again if it is not done.
What the architect meant was that he did not consider it important enough to have been in his original planning. He will change it discretely and without losing face if that’s what you really want. It is not that it doesn’t matter to him. He values your custom. He’s saying that you’re making an issue out of something that he personally thought wasn’t that important.
A few days later, the plans will be altered and you’ll get that extra shower room. He won’t comment further or apologise, to do so would be a loss of face. Thais will cover up rather than suggest a solution or admit an error.
Westerners can be Direct. Thais don’t like being Serious
Thais feel farangs can be rather abrupt when speaking and are too uncompromising and formal. The Thai way is to be less direct and not so forceful in conversation. Mai pen rai is more an attitude of mind related to the relaxed lifestyle than a mere set of words. It is a way of thinking that is consistent with the Thai way of life.
Their culture teaches them to steer clear of arguments or quarrels. Walk away, if necessary. Life is for living; be happy and avoid stress. Happiness and fun (sanuk) are their watchwords. The word “serious” does not exist in the vocabulary of most Thais.
A carpenter had built a small tie-rack in the master bedroom wardrobe. The corners were not secure. You could move them from side to side. Rather than get the oft-quoted face-saving excuse, “not finished yet,” I asked if the rack was now complete. He said it was. I slid it out and moved the joints up and down showing it obviously was not.
The carpenter said he would fix the piece. It took two days for him to hammer in a few nails and return to me. He had not made proper Mortise and Tenon joints but at least it no longer wobbled. I had not made the situation one of conflict but had made him correct his work.
He had minimised saving face by taking two days to do the job. He had thought by doing that he was showing his commitment to good service.
If you have ever had a house built in Thailand you will know that electrical and plumbing connections are often loose. Surfaces for painting are not cleaned and made smooth. More than the recommended amount of water is added to paint before applying. Grouting is not to western standards. If it looks okay, all is fine. It doesn’t matter if problems arise in the future.
Mai pen rai supersedes perfection.
You book a table in your local restaurant but, when you arrive, you find they have stopped serving. All the kitchen staff have gone home early. Will you be angry or annoyed, or will you be Thai and say Mai pen rai krap?
You won’t die of hunger while trying to discover another eating-house. You may even find the next one will become your favourite place for a meal. Mai pen rai is about being as easy-going, calm, and patient as you can.
The Thai Smile. Not Always What It Seems
You will find the Thais very tolerant until they feel they can take no more. They will then smile, may well walk away, but seldom will they continue to argue the point. Only as a last resort or under provocation will they get angry.
The smile will still be there but the pent up anger will not be that clear to see. You won’t see it coming. If they get violent, there will be no warning sign. To avoid the situation, stay calm, keep your voice down, and don’t come across as wanting to perpetuate the row.
Walking away may feel like surrender in the West, not standing up for your principles. In Thailand, it is the normal way out of avoiding further quarrels. Thais don’t impose on other people. The term in Thai is greng jai – a feeling of compassion for your fellows. They don’t want to annoy or upset you. It is time to politely move on. Discretion is the better part of valour.
Keeping passions bottled-up is not always a good idea but it is a Thai characteristic. In an argument, the Irish and the Italians, for example, are more likely to release their bitterness immediately and get it out of their system – many would say that doing so is healthier than keeping the anger pent up inside.
The store does not have what you are looking for. The sales staff may ask if they can order the item for you. But, they’re more likely to say that they do not have the item in stock and politely smile. What you want may be in the warehouse and it’s not convenient for them to fetch it right now.
Thai customers would accept their smiling and adopting the mai pen rai attitude. It is what they would do in similar circumstances. The sales staff’s explanation being just a white lie.
In the following post, we can see how Thais try to find a way of using mai pen rai whenever they can. And a good example of avoiding conflict.
https://understanding-thailand.com/what-happened-to-kitaloo/
